A regret-- a big one.

For some reason this has been weighing on my mind lately. 

I had had signed up for eHarmony back in the summer.  I was matched with a guy named Aaron from a town about three hours to the west of me.  We done the guided communication thing, sent each other an e-mail in August, and that was it.  We e-mailed again in September, and then in October.  The e-mail from him included his phone number.  I called him a couple of days later, and left a voice mail.  He never called me back.  In November, he closed the match with a reason of "other."

I am really regreting not e-mailing him back after I hadn't heard from him in about a week.  I really and truly do.  He seemed like a good guy-- and a guy that I could get along with really well.

He owns a cattle production company and is an ag teacher.  While I grew up on a farm and would love to live on a farm again, I just don't know if I could.  I haven't lived on a farm in about 11 years now-- which is about half of my life.  I guess I am afraid that I have "forgotten" how to live on  a farm.  

Maybe God intervened and saw that it wouldn't have worked out and saved Aaron and I a whole lot of grieve, heartache, and disappointment.

But I am all ready disappointed.  Not in Aaron, (well, kinda-- I'm disappointed that he never called back), but I am really disappointed in the way I handled everything.   For the past few days, I have had Darius Rucker's song "Don't Think I Don't Think About It" song going through my head.  

I regret this-- big time.  Maybe Aaron and I weren't meant to be.  Or maybe it just wasn't the right time.  The only person that knows is God.  

So I like this guy....

A lot. I met him through eharmony. His name is Aaron, and is a teacher. Whenever I get an e-mail from him, I get butterflies in my stomach. I have this feeling like things to be great between us. The only problem? We both seem too nervous to make the first move. At least I am. I am scared to death that I might screw this up before it even gets started, and I don't want to do that, at all. I have had relationship problems this year. He seems like a real good guy and someone that I want to get to know better-- a lot better. I had met two other guys on eharmony and got to the open communication stage with, but they didn't give me the same feelings as Aaron does. The feelings I got with the other two were like "okay. He's a friend. Nothing will ever come of this." With Aaron, I get this feeling of "this could work. He could be the one."

Thankfully "Loser Friend" (as some of the peas call him) has moved out of state and is pretty much out of my life expect for random calls he makes to me to tell me how I need to do what *he* wants me to do.

I have no clue what to do. I want to talk to this guy more. I want to get to know him better. I think I am all ready starting to fall for him, and it is scary. What if he is the one for me? And what if he isn't? Why am I all over the place on my feelings? I want to know that I am loved and found attrative by a guy who is mature and caring. I want to have a family. I want to live on a farm again. I want to travel. He has a career. He seems like a nice guy. He wants children. He lives on a farm. He likes to travel and have fun.